They're Back, They're Bad, and Completely Clueless
by Loethaelis
Summary: Well, The monkeys are back in the pegasus galaxy, they're bad, bad enough to wake up the wraith, and they have absolutely no clue what they're doing.


_**They're Back, They're Bad, and Completely Clueless.**_

The Monkeys are back!

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Dr. Elizabeth Weir Walked into the briefing room to find none other than Rodney McKay lying spread eagle face down on the table.

"Rodney, are you O.K."

"Does it look like I'm O.K.?" The muffled reply from her colleauge sounded angry.

"What happened?"Elizabeth replied trying not to laugh

"I'm superglued to the table, Whaddaya think,I just decided to take a nap?" Weir looked at Rodney's back and could no longer supress the urge to laugh. She broke down into her chair in hysterics. "What are you laughing at? Elizabeth? Hellllooooo, earth to Elizabeth. What are you laughing at! I'm sitting here superglued to a table and all you can do is laugh! WHAT IS SO FUNNY!" as he went on withhis tyrade hestruggled against the bonds of space age superglue.

She took a couple of deep breaths and prepared to tell him but burst out laughing again. the sight of a poster taped to Rodney's back. It was a giant poster that read **"I LOVE ELIZABETH!" **with a picture of her under it. Just then the rest of SGA-1 entered the room. Weir could tell by looking at Sheppard and Teyla that they had been drinking the night before, what she could not tell. Rodney was exhibiting signs of a hang over.

"Major, could please explain to me why Dr. McKay is superglued to the table."

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Sheppard sat watching the entry to Rodney McKay's lab. A casual observer might have thought he was asleep with his eyes open, such as he did during High school lectures. Alas no such observer only a suspicious one by the name of Elizabeth Wier.

"Major, what are you doing?"

He turned his head in her direction "Nothing." was his response. "Don't use that door." he gestured to McKay's lab.

A few minutes of silence passed between them as the both stared at the door. Rodney exited his lab and as he did so a five gallon bucket of purple paint was upended over his head. "Holy Crap! Its leaking again!" At that he ran off.

Weir turned to Sheppard "How did you manage to rig it for a sliding door."

He looked over and gave her a lopsided grin."Sheer talent."

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"Uh, Rodney, You have a fly on on your forhead."

Slap

"Ow"

"I just missed it. There it is again!"

Slap

"Ow"

"Hold still it's right in the center of your head."

Fwap

"Friggin hell, stop hitting me you trigger-happy milataristic hipocrit.'"

"It's right on your nose."

Punch

McKay fell to the floor with all the grace of a sack of potatoes.

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"Now, get the shaving cream in his hand. Good. Ford, You tickle his nose with the feather." the two figures hovering by Dr. McKay's bed were following the direction of the third, who was under the bed. "Teyla, Ford, get your asses down here now! Or do you wanna miss it." Major Sheppard waved the monitor from under the bed. McKay stirred, sheppard rolled over to make room for the other two conspirators. Teyla came first, Followed closely by Ford. Sheppard passed the monitor to Teyla so they could all see it.

McKay's hand made contact with his face shortly before he woke up. "What the Friggin hell is going on here." He opened his eyes only to feel the burning sensation of shaving cream in them.

"See, what did I tell ya?" the hushed voices from under the bed could not be heard over McKay's racket.

_Later that day._

"Major, do you know anything about why Dr. McKay was admited to the infirmary with heart palpations and shaving cream in his eyes?" An angry Doctor Wier stood before the perpatrators.

"Yes Ma'am."

"What do you know."

"That we were the ones who did it."

"Why?"

"Because Rodney is a git.Ma'am."

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Rodney McKay was on his first solo flight in a puddle jumper.

Dr. Weir walked through the control room. all of the sudden frantic com chatter blasted through the speakers.

"Right on time"

"Oh my God, there's a wraith dart chasing me! they found us! We're all gonna die!" Silence followed.

Weir cleared her throat. "Rodney, You're not dead."

"What? I'm not? OH MY GOD, it's flying formation with me! How do you fly formation anyway?" He asked the last question in a rather calm tone. Elizabeth stifled a laugh.

A comm channel opened from the dart to the jumper. " McKay, if we haven't killed you yet it's not likely we're going to." Sheppard's voice crackled over the comm

Teyla's voice came on "But if you keep pushing it, we may make an exception."

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and now a poem from the veiw of the greatly bealeagured McKay...

I'm gonna die, dear help me god,

They've kicked my head, I'm such a sod.

Rodney you're not dead,

Though they kicked you in your head,

Good Doctor Beckett said,

Your skull is harder than lead.

I'm gonna die, beneath strange stars,

My cell phone doesn't even have three bars.

Rodney you're not dead,

But don't push it Sheppard said,

I might just kill you instead,

If you do not take your meds.

I'm gonna die, it bit my hand

I'll never see stargate command

Rodney you're not dead,

Step lightly where you tread,

There are booby traps ahead,

The beautiful Teyla said.

I'm gonna die, in cold hard space

Oh help me Ford here come the Wraith!

Rodney you're not dead,

Just go back to bed,

Lieutenent Ford simply said,

It's all inside you're head

I'm gonna die a painfull fate,

If Elizabeth finds out I've opened her crate...

Rodney you're so dead,

I'll make you feel dread

I'll chop off your head

I'll grind you're bones to make my bread!

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(A/N) This may seem a bit different from my other stories, that is because this was a collaberation between me and Sirval, who writes forOriginal more frequently than I.

There will be more chapters, butI don't know when, so just keep checking in. We'll poke some fun at the Wraith and hopefully Major Sheppard after that, or the other way around; whichever comes first.

-Loethaelis


End file.
